How to tell a friend she has forgotten you

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Time for some tough love ladies. It seems that most of us forget our friends the minute we are in a relationship and I have to tell you, that is not on. Not now, not ever.

Before you criticise these friend forgetters, check your phone for the last time you reached out to one of your BFFS. Has it been weeks? Or months? Are you now frantically texting your friend asking for forgiveness? Well, don’t be surprised if she doesn’t respond back.

It seems that somewhere during puberty women were told that we were lucky to find a man who loved us but the focus was never on how they loved us. As a result, most of us will forgive a man for practically everything because we are terrified by the threat of becoming a ‘crazy old cat lady’.

First off, you are not lucky to find someone who loves you. Of course someone will love you, you are an awesome person and someone out there will not only know that but be thankful for your unique qualities.

Secondly, would you not rather be single than be with someone who consumes you so wholly that you forget your friends?

The question is, how do you even broach this awkward topic and keep your friendship intact? As someone who has had this conversation more  times than I wish to say, here is how I successfully broached the issue.

Do it over a friendly glass of wine, but don’t get drunk. Emphasise to her that your criticism is coming from a loving place and don’t blame the boyfriend. Yes, the boyfriend may be ordering her to forget her friends but your friend willingly obliged.

Make sure each sentence starts with, “I feel”, don’t every say, “You do this…” or “He does that…”, it will get you nowhere. All she will hear is, “Blah, Blah, Blah, You are a big disappointment and you failed me.”

Instead, try to gently examine the underlying problem of why she has chosen to love a man who asks that of her. Sometimes though, the boyfriend is not guilty and this hurts even more because  that means she willing chose to abandon you.

If this is the case, try the angle of saying how much you miss having her around. Remind her of how long it has been since you last hung out but never become accusatory.

However, sometimes, no matter how diplomatic you have been, your friend won’t listen to a thing you said. She is just so in-love with this man that he has become invincible to criticism. In this circumstance, you have every right to mourn the temporary loss of your friendship but don’t waste your breath getting angry. This doesn’t mean she has stopped loving you, she has simply been deluded by that ridiculous notion about how women should feel lucky.

Don’t forget, you may find yourself guilty of abandoning your friends one day so before you remove her from Facebook (because then it’s officially O-V-E-R) see if you can find the grace (or a large bottle of Gin) to forgive her when she comes back.